Pornography on My Mind

August 12, 2009 in Christianity, Family with 0 Comments

O.K. – so did the title grab your attention? Come on; just a little bit? Yeah, I thought it would.

But the reality is I’ve got pornography on my mind. Here’s why. My regular route to and from work takes me by a local adult bookstore. I don’t pay much attention to it really; I know I probably should but it’s one of those landmarks that you just get use to seeing. I confess I sometimes look to see if there are any cars in the parking lot that I recognize. Is that terrible of me…or just human?

Today as I drove to work I noticed that there were pallets with large boxes along with some equipment in the parking lot just outside the entrance. I don’t know for sure but it appeared that there was perhaps a remodel job beginning. It seemed to me that the boxes were of the size and type that might contain new fixtures to soon be installed.

My first thought upon noticing the unusual site was, “Oh, business must be good.” Then something, or Someone, prompted me, “Oh, that’s not good.”

That may not have been enough to get me thinking except that also while driving to work today I heard a news story detailing how the economy is hurting the porn business, particularly in the San Fernando Valley in California. This, I guess, is the porn industry capitol. Apparently, there is “Wall Street,” there is “Main Street,” and then there is “the San Fernando Valley.”

The report indicated that the porn industry’s profits were down some 30% – 50%. One “starlet” (and I use that term loosely) reported that she used to be called upon to “work” four or five days each week. Now she was lucky if she got called for one day a week.

So…I’ve got pornography on my mind. And while thinking about it, this is what I found:

  • As of 2003, there were 1.3 million pornographic websites; 260 million pages (N2H2, 2003).
  • The total porn industry revenue for 2006: $13.3 billion in the United States; $97 billion worldwide (Internet Filter Review).
  • U.S. adult DVD/video rentals in 2005: almost 1 billion (Adult Video News).
  • Unique worldwide users visiting adult web sites monthly: 72 million (Internet Filter Review).
  • Number of hardcore pornography titles released in 2005 (U.S.): 13,588 (Internet Filter Review).
  • More than 70% of men from 18 to 34 visit a pornographic site in a typical month (comScore Media Metrix).
  • More than 20,000 images of child pornography posted online every week (National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children, 10/8/03).
  • Approximately 20% of all Internet pornography involves children (National Center for Mission & Exploited Children).
  • “At a 2003 meeting of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, two thirds of the 350 divorce lawyers who attended said the Internet played a significant role in the divorces in the past year, with excessive interest in online porn contributing to more than half such cases. Pornography had an almost non-existent role in divorce just seven or eight years ago” (Divorcewizards.com).
  • A 1996 Promise Keepers survey at one of their stadium events revealed that over 50% of the men in attendance were involved with pornography within one week of attending the event.
  • 51% of pastors say cyber-porn is a possible temptation. 37% say it is a current struggle (Christianity Today, Leadership Survey, 12/2001).
  • In a 2000 Christianity Today survey, 33% of clergy admitted to having visited a sexually explicit Web site. Of those who had visited a porn site, 53% had visited such sites “a few times” in the past year, and 18% visit sexually explicit sites between a couple of times a month and more than once a week.
  • 57% of pastors say that addiction to pornography is the most sexually damaging issue to their congregation (Christians and Sex Leadership Journal Survey, March 2005).
  • 47% percent of families said pornography is a problem in their home (Focus on the Family Poll, October 1, 2003).
  • “Never before in the history of telecommunications media in the United States has so much indecent (and obscene) material been so easily accessible by so many minors in so many American homes with so few restrictions” (U.S. Department of Justice, Post Hearing Memorandum of Points and Authorities, at l, ACLU v. Reno, 929 F. Supp. 824 (1996)).

(Statistics taken from the Safe Families website)

A couple of thoughts about what you just read: 1) Please understand that these statistics are very dated; in other words the numbers are even greater now. 2) Also understand that statistics can be so overwhelming that it almost doesn’t seem real or at least that it’s somewhere else; not in our world.

Perhaps this will help put it in perspective. Count on it, the odds are you or someone you know has looked at porn, if not excessively, at least for inordinate amounts of time. You or someone you know.

Whether you admit it or not, pornography is an addiction. It is an addiction every bit as powerful as a chemical addiction. Perhaps partly because it DOES affect the body chemically.

Whether the motive for consuming pornography is sexual appetite, escape/self-medication, or any other reason, engaging in these addictions causes the brain and body to endogenously produce and release chemical drugs into its own system. These chemicals include: epinephrine (an adrenal gland hormone that “locks-in” memories of experiences occurring at times of high arousal), adrenaline, adrenocorticotropic hormone (ACTH), noradrenaline, norepinephrine and testosterone, among others. This drug is dragging millions of troubled victims along in its destructive wake.

Persistent accessing of porn not only provides the addict with sexual arousal, but offers a way to self-medicate in order to escape the realities of life. A porn addict will suffer withdrawal symptoms when they try-or are compelled-to relinquish their vice for any length of time. The withdrawal symptoms may drive an addict to find porn and often causes him to act out his needs in inappropriate ways. (Porn Addiction Information)

And while we can compile and blow you away with statistics, what we most likely have no idea of is how many lost jobs, failed marriages, and destroyed families can be traced back to this addiction. For some, porn is an addiction that has cost them everything.

As depressing as this reality perhaps is, can I suggest that there is hope? There are an endless number of resources on the Internet that can help you if you are affected by this problem. (How ironic that the Internet which feeds the addiction also possesses the resources to provide the solution.) In other words, this addiction is not one without help. Let me suggest two remarkably helpful resources:

Covenant Eyes is Internet Accountability software that you can purchase and download to your computer. If you are serious about stopping this destructive behavior, this may be the way to go. It is NOT a filter and it does NOT block porn websites but it will track everywhere you go on the Internet and sends an email report to your accountability partner. It is fully endorsed by Promise Keepers, Christian Computing Magazine, Focus on the Family, and No-porn.com.

XXXChurch.com is an organization that I would give a standing ovation to ANYTIME! (If you’ve read my blog before you will note that they have been a long-standing link at DaveWeitz.com.) Their goal is to bring awareness, openness, and accountability to those who are affected by pornography. It’s an online community that tours the world speaking to colleges, churches, and community events. If you are in over your head (or know someone is), I would say this is one of your first stops.

Let me say it one more time: THERE IS HOPE! You and I don’t have to drown in despair. There are people and organizations to help; and above all we have the Holy Spirit who can bring healing, deliverance, peace, and reconciliation. If you struggle with this, now is the time to take action; if you know and love someone who struggles, now might be the perfect time to take action.

My Most Important Job

April 11, 2007 in Family with 0 Comments

I am the father of a 23-year-old son. Two recent articles on parenting brought my fear to the surface once again; “Did I do a good enough job?” “What did I miss?” “Why did I do that?” “Why didn’t I do that?” “Why didn’t I know then what I know now?” Oh yeah, the articles. Pardon my neurotic side trip.

One article was the recent study by the Barna Group featuring George Barna’s new book, Revolutionary Parenting. The second, an article by Amy Gravseth on Relevant Magazine.com.

Barna’s premise states that research strongly supports the fact that one’s parenting approach is what determines whether their children will become devoted Christians. In his book he identifies six “critical dimensions” involved in raising children to “become spiritual champions.” (I’m sensing my parenting neurosis rising to the surface again.)

‘Our strategy was to start by identifying desirable attributes that parents would want to see in their children, then work backwards from the existence of those attributes in young adults to figure out what produced them. We expected that studying people in their twenties who exhibited such qualities would reveal some common practices that the parents of such children had implemented,’ Barna explained. ‘We surveyed thousands of young adults in order to identify several hundred whose lives reflected the desired outcomes, then interviewed both them and their parents to determine the relevant parenting perspectives and practices. The result was not only clear but quite challenging.’

Amy’s article explored similar territory but focused more on the Church asking the question, “Is the Church setting up young people for a crisis of faith?”

Why does a person’s faith sometimes drastically change as they become an adult? I have become increasingly aware of people in their 20s who are turning away from Christ. They grew up in God-fearing families, but as adults have walked away from that faith. How does this happen? Is it the result of parenting, the Church, peers or something else entirely? While I understand that there are no clear answers and every situation is different, it makes me wonder why some never turn away from their “parent’s faith” and others completely deny it. These questions lead to even more questions, with very few solid answers. I’d like to suggest that the main issue at hand is the information these now-adults did not receive as children.

Barna’s conclusion is that we must choose our parenting style carefully. Amy’s message is that we need to expose our kids to more than just Christianity so that when they get out in the real world (and away from our Christian subculture) they won’t be blown away by all the new information and options.

I don’t know if either one of them are right. But they do convince me that our most important job is not growing a church, a business, a reputation, or a bank account, our most important job is to “Teach [our] children to choose the right path, and when they are older, they will remain upon it. (Proverbs 22:6, NLT)